This morning I awoke to the sound of my alarm. The resistance against this unnatural form of waking up grows stronger inside me with each morning. I reluctantly pull myself away from my warm blankets to start my day.
The usual rush of getting everyone dressed and out the door pursued. I went through the motions of the morning in a zombie like state.
I drive into work on a congested highway with people who were just like me. People who reluctantly pulled themselves from the comfort of their beds. People who would rather not be stuck in the morning rush. People who don’t want to go to their mundane jobs.
Traffic comes to a halt as I turn on my meditation music. This is a ritual of mine in attempt to harness some sort of peacefulness during my early morning routine. I look across the road past the highway dividers to the green hills and blooming trees. I watch as the breeze blows in the new blooms of the trees.
The tones of Tibetan bells ring in the background as I daydream about what I would be doing if I didn’t have to work. Most of time these daydreams feature me sitting on my deck over looking the lake. I seem to always have a pen and paper in hand. I’m writing something. I can never define what it is I am writing …is it a book…a blog…a speech?
A car horn blares to the side of me, bringing my focus back to the present. The gray road and polluted air ahead of me. Slowly the red glow of the brake lights in front of me dim and traffic begins to flow again.
I drive on into to work with a nagging question. “Why, would I of all people daydream of writing?”
You see I’m not a writer. I’m not even an adamant reader for goodness sake! Furthermore, English was always my worst subject in school.
Why then were my daydreams always about writing?
Even though, I’m not an adamant reader, there are a handful of books that have really resonated with me. All these books have a common theme. The authors were all in search of magic. They all had this yearning to find enchantment and meaning within their lives.
I too am missing the enchantment in life. The green hills that are just beyond my reach. The clean air that refreshes my soul. The purpose of doing something I love. The meaning behind the mundane. All of these things weighed on me.
There seemed to be a pivotal moment in each of the authors lives that signaled a time to take action. They would decide that the consuming grief, stressful job, physical illness and fast past lives could rule their lives no more. Their quest to find magic, peace, happiness and balance would begin.
Like the authors of my favorite books, I did have a pivotal moment in my life that signaled a time for change in my life. However, unlike the authors I am not one to take a leap of faith and make a radical change. I’m not comfortable with leaving my job, moving to a different city, traveling or starting my own business on a whim.
How would I go on my own quest to find magic, peace, happiness and balance?
The gong of the Tibetan bell rings.
Why did I daydream about writing? Because I wanted to find wonderment, I wanted to have more freedom and I wanted to be heard.
So, where do I begin. I’ll be honest with you, I had no idea where to begin. I’m not a charismatic person. I’m not a storyteller. I’m not a person with a large vocabulary. My imagination, these days, is lacking.
I’m not kidding about lacking in imagination. I once spoke to my friend, Charlotte about my trouble with playing make believe with my son. Charlotte quipped about her fear for being asked to play barbies with her daughter. “Anything but barbies! That means I have to come up with a whole backstory for barbie and a dialogue between the other barbies. It is too much imagining!”
Charlotte summed up my feelings about my talent in storytelling and imagining. Anything but writing!
None the less, here I am…writing…storytelling.
As I think back on the my favorite author’s quest, I realize I too, have been on a quest for the past 10 years. A quest to find myself, scratch that, to UNDERSTAND myself. A quest that will bring magic, enchantment, peace, happiness and balance into my life.
And that my dear friends and readers is where my story begins. A pivotal moment that lead to a quest to understand myself.